Tonight, AgaThor and I had a discussion about his superhero status. He’s been mum on what his abilities are and when he uses them. Obviously, it’s not when I’m around. I really want to know. His blog is getting so popular that it’s starting to go to his head. JACKPOT! After months of trying to pry information out of him, he’s starting to brag and that means I’m getting the down low.
I asked him why I never see him use his superhero powers. He divulged that it is because human brain waves emit different frequencies while asleep than they do while awake. Basically, there is a specific frequency that human brain waves emit while awake that is like kryptonite for Super Kittens. WHO KNEW?! So, he can only use them when we aren’t home or when we are sleeping.
Me: “What are your super powers?”
AgaThor: “I can fly and I’m not scared of very much. Like, this one time, when you were sleeping, a really large spider was trying to crawl into your bed, but I snuck up on it, and then BOOOM! We were in a fight and only one of us was gonna make it out alive. I won.”
Me: “Thanks for looking out for me, AgaThor.”
AgaThor: “No probs. That’s what I’m here for.”
Me: “By the way, how do you get out of your cage when we’re not awake or at home?”
AgaThor: “Doood, obviously I have secret tunnels that you DON’T KNOW ABOUT. Helloooo! I’m a superhero!”
Me: “Oh! (rolls eyes) So, what other daring feats of superhero-ness have you done?”
AgaThor: “Last week, there was a cat about to cross the street and for obvs he was gonna get hit by a car. So, I went outside and flew in at the last-minute to drag him out from in front of the car. I mean, honestly, what’s up with outdoor cats? He was just staring into the lights…completely frozen!”
Me: “YOU WENT OUTSIDE?! You realize your back legs don’t work?! You would be easy prey for some mean dog, coyote, raccoon, or vulture.”
AgaThor: “What about SUPERKITTEN don’t you understand, woman?! When you can fly, your back legs matter a whole lot less. I can just levitate my rear end. The chicks dig it, by the way.”
Me: “Is that so? Well, then why was there a dead cat on the road two mornings ago? Why didn’t you save that cat?”
AgaThor: “RIP to my homeless homey. Can you pour some purified cat water on the ground in honor of him? He ran with the Big C gang…”
Me: “The WHAT gang? So, you’re hanging out with gang members now?”
AgaThor: “Those kids in the Big C gang are a little misguided, but they’re good guys! They just need a positive role model…”
Me: “Let me guess. They need a role model like you?”
AgaThor: “WHOA! What are you implying? ANYWAY, I mourn his loss, but my superpower IS NOT fortune-telling. I can’t predict what is going to happen. It’s just that if I see something about to happen or happening, I can do something about it. BTW, if you buy me a police scanner, I can be of a lot more use to this city. Just sayin’.”
Needless to say, friends, I am a little skeptical. I rolled my eyes at him and he just dragged his diaper-wearing ass away in a huff.
To be continued…